A local radio program has a weekly program called “relationship intervention.” The basic premise is that Person A (who has a problem with Person B) calls into the program and explains the problem with Person B. The station then calls Person B and they attempt to hash out the problem on the air. It never works, and I am fairly certain that Person B is usually quite upset with Person A, but hey, that is a problem for another Relationship Intervention I suppose.
Alas, I wondered what would happen if I called in about Murphy. You see Murphy has one big problem . . . he does not believe in personal space – at all. See human, will beg for lovin. See human lap, will cuddle. See human face, will kiss. If you don’t believe me, I present evidence . . .
Do you believe em now? I envisioned the conversation going like this . . .
Me: Hi Murphy!
Murphy: Hi Mom, Do you like my bow tie?
Me: Hi Murphy, Yes I do like your bow tie. There is something I wanted to talk to you about.
Murphy: Okay, Mom. What is it? Do you want to talk about how dorable I am. Because I am super dorable. If I had tumbs, I would give my dorableness two tumbs up.
Me: No, Murphy it isn’t that.
Murphy: Okay, good Mom. I was worried.
Me: Well, Murphy I just wanted to tell you that you are not a lap dog.
Murphy: WHAT?!?!?!?! No way. That is not possible. Mom, pibbles are by definition lap dogs. It is part of our DNAs.
Me: Well, Murphy, you weigh 62 pounds, you are not lap-sized.
Murphy: Oh, Mom, you are so silly, that is why I curl up in a pibble ball. It is a special pibble trick. When I curl up in a pibble ball, I become lap-sized. You have so much to learn mom, besides, who wouldn’t want to cuddle with this face. I dare you, Mom, say no to this face . . .
Doesn’t anyone want to give me some lovin?
Me: Oh alright, Murphy, let’s cuddle.
Murphy: AWESOME!!! How bout some pibble kisses too?!?!?!?!